This weekend was a hard one to swallow. Our plans were to head out of town with all of our best friends & their families for some much needed time with the gang & the littles to all be together; we are like family & these kids are like cousins to my kiddos. Well, our plans changed last minute as a few of the kids were getting over a cough/cold virus & as badly as we wanted to go we chose to stay behind because we just cannot knowingly expose Emmeline to germies. Let me tell you I was a wreck, just ask my hubs! It may seem trivial to be so upset about something so minor, but being on bedrest for 14wks, then with a NICU angel babe for 3wks and now living a life of crazy regiments just to keep germs at bay & away from our family WE NEEDED THIS BREAK with friends to just make life feel a little more "normal". I kept trying to justify in my head "we can do this, we will just constantly sanitize B & E down and they will sleep with us rather than their friends". I knew in my heart what I neeeeeded to do, but selfishly I kept trying to justify it. So I picked up the phone & called my doctors office, who, in not so many words, said I'm an idiot to even consider going & exposing not only lil E, but also Braden & Elyse who could catch it & bring it into our home. So I decided no at that moment. Then the nxt night I was with my girlfriends & I kept trying to justify it, I even told them that evening that we will be there. At 3:15AM {Sat} that next morning I woke up & had a terrible anxiety attack as I felt lil E and she was BURNING up!! My amazing hubs was on daddy duty when I went out and had her all swaddled so cozy, and praise the Lord after I frantically took her temperature (as I felt as though I was going to pass out at the thought of her getting sick!!!) it wasn't even at 98.6, it was 97.9. I still sat up watching her & constantly feeling her for the next hour as I was so panicked!!! I finally was at peace knowing she was just fine & I got some sleep...when I woke up in the am I kept reflecting back & talking it over with my hubs, who got woken up at 3:15am to FEEL HER HEAD SHES BURNING UP!!! But she wasn't, it was all in my head & I came to realize this had to be Gods way of saying "You idiot! Wake up!!! Why would you even think of exposing her to anything, especially intentionally?!!! Just for 24hrs of fun, is it worth it??" I am 110% certain God was giving me a glimpse of what it could have looked like should we have gone & she got sick and ended up back at the hospital & it just wasn't worth it. I've never ever had that experience before & it honestly scared me to death at the thought of her back there!!! So yesterday {Sat} AM I needed to talk to my NICU doc just for one last confirmation (can you see a pattern of me really struggling with what I knew in my heart to do, but what I really wanted to do?) and he said no, stay home. So after a good sob session & being all hormonal & stuff my sweet hubby said "let's go to your favorite place, Avila beach". I felt so bad for B & E to have a fun wknd cancelled & was so thankful when Braden grabbed my hand and said "it is what it is mama" and his smile was priceless! So we did a staycation with our amazing lil crew who I feel so blessed to call mine. The word PERSPECTIVE came to mind as I just read on a friend of a friends post that they are in the hospital waiting for blood work to determine if their daughter has leukemia....my heart sank & makes me want to slap myself in my face at my ridiculous trivial saga as I'm holding my perfect baby girl in my hands!!!! Perspective is a mighty powerful thing, and I choose to get over my petty little meltdown & pray for this little girl who may have cancer. It makes me focus on the priorities in life, happy & healthy kids that are so full of joy regardless of where we go or what we do. They are thankful & I need to be thankful too. I am going to be more intentional about counting my blessings & focusing on the happy thoughts instead of the ones that are out of my control. Please say some prayers for this family & this little girl!!!! I know I am beyond thankful for my awesome hubs, my 3 healthy little ones, amazing family & friends, our great community, etc. We are all so fortunate!
Have a happy week friends💗
Have a happy week friends💗